Take 5

First of all kids, these are takes from yours truly to you. Please use them in the spirit intended. Unless of course I become pretty striking toward your team, school, favorite player etc... this is about fun (sometimes).

Take 1: Your boy Kimbo Slice stepped into the cage the other night and was smashed like a Halloween Pumpkin in 14 seconds. Do you realize what I can do in 14 seconds? Let me count the ways: 1) Breathe in and out five times; 2) warm up a blueberry muffin in the microwave; 3) send a substantial, yet short text message to someone I care about or dislike (sidebar note: please stop saying, "I TEXTED my friend the other day." When did TEXTED become a word? Try saying, "I sent a text or text message to my friend the other day." It irks me just as much as people who say, "I was at my work." Cut it out!!!) Now, back to the Slice. 4) Look at an awfully attractive woman, walk up to her and tell said woman that she is attractive and go on about my day; 5) Make oodles and oodles of money off a network willing to pay me to get knocked the heck out.

Mr. Slice, you may not be an athlete or even an MMA cat, but to blacken the eye of the network that that is the “Eye”, that is pure Americana.

Take 2: Admittedly, I am a Los Angeles Dodgers (Born and raised on Dodger Dogs) fan and I am happy to have seen them defeat the Chicago Cubs in three games with a 3-1 win Saturday night. But what gives me even more joy is watching Cubs fans remove belts and shoelaces so they are not hanging themselves from the beams of Wrigley Field or from the basket on the outfield wall at the aforementioned ballpark. Many Cubs fans come off as obnoxious and are really a pain to put up with. There are two exceptions: 1) Bowling Green State University Head Hockey Coach Scott Paluch. Pooch is a nice guy and understands the reality of the Cubs, even though he wants them to win badly; 2) a guy named Andy I met in a bar as James Loney belted a grand slam to put the Dodgers up 4-2 in game one and give them a lead they held on to for the remainder of that game ad the next two. When he agreed Cubs fans were obnoxious, he hurt me a smidge to let him know his team was going down. I couldn't say that out loud. I was the lone Dodger voice in a bar room of Cubs fans. I cheered loudly and made sure they all heard me. Go Dodgers!!!

Take 3: I would like someone or NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to answer a question for me. Why are teams that play in western time zones made to play early games in the east? Granted, the Seattle Seahawks stink, but a 1 PM game at the Meadowlands is a 10 AM start in Gig Harbor, WA. I realize that television makes the NFL the spectacle it is and there is nothing like being able to grab a little breakfast while in one's boxers and watch NCAA or NFL football, but teams that fly across country should be given some type of break. What's wrong with making those games 4:15 (ET) starts. It is then only early afternoon in the bodies of players from teams based in the Pacific Time Zone. The way I count it, there are five teams in the (PT). What will it hurt the NFL to allow these teams to start road games in the east at 4:15? Aside from that, there is only one team that really matters out west and that is San Diego. Although, the Arizona Cardinals are making a push for later start times when they travel east. Roger, pick up the phone when I call and let’s remedy this situation. The Seahawks would have lost 44-6 to the Giants yesterday anyway, but allow them to wake up and witness the nightmare live instead of having to sleepwalk through it.

Take 4: Apparently, the alleged best team in baseball, the Los Angeles Angels, were revived yesterday in their game three win over the Boston Red Sox. Regardless of yesterday's win, the things that have hurt the Angels in the post-season since winning the world series in 2002: 1) Vladimir Guerrero not showing up offensively; 2) the Boston Red Sox. Remember how George Steinbrenner used to own the Sox before Boston exorcised its ghosts with a spectacular seven game series win after trailing in the series 3-1. The Angels appear as though they are going to have to do the same thing. Anaheim is a good team, but when it comes to the Red Sox in the post-season, they are in need of the Heimlich maneuver if they are ever going to taste a good or bad bottle of champagne again. This means K-Rod can not give up long distance phone calls to hurt players like J.D. Drew and singles can't be the way to offensively attack, unless you are chasing down a woman in a bar or you’re online.

Take 5: Just a piece of information for you. When you read this and I have to say that I am appreciative that you do, please know this. I will find five topics to drone on about each week and I am even willing to take topics to write about if you feel something in your sports life is being slighted. In addition, I will do my best to keep the topics related to sports, However, if something comes up that I feel needs to be discussed (written about), I will drop it in the blog. Finally, "Take 5" is a classic jazz piece performed by Dave Brubeck. If you are not into Jazz, I understand. But do yourself a favor and just take a listen to Take 5. I enjoy it each time I hear it and I hope you enjoy Take 5 each time you read it.

Good viewing, listening and sporting this week!!