Davieham Drinking Game

For those of you who are looking forward to Saturday night at 8 pm on ESPN2 as much as myself, this will make the game even more enjoyable.

This game will be followed, to some degree, in Buffalo by myself and Ookie. I'm not sure if I'll make the end of the game.

DAVIEHAM: The Drinking Game

Game is subdivided into two parts for the men for whom it is named. You may choose to follow the Davie Drinking Rules, the Willingham Drinking Rules, or both, as you see fit and depending upon such factors as your levels of tolerance, finances, and/or deep-seated implacable ire for one or both of the would-be destroyers of Our Lady’s beloved football program.

Davie Drinking Rules

Rule #1. Footbaw. Every time Davie says “Foot-BAW” in any context (foot-baw game, foot-baw player, etc.) take 1 drink.

Rule #2. Every time Davie says “YOUUGE” on the air (“That was a YOUUUGE play right there,” “Man, what a YOUUUUGE tackle by that linebacker”), take 2 drinks.

Rule #3. Whenever Davie introduces a comment by saying “Lemme tell you somethin…” - 1 drink

Rule #4. Any time Davie says “Excellent” – usually “Excellent point, Mark” to his broadcast partner Mark Jones – 2 drinks.

Rule #5. It is a near-certainty that Davie will bring up the game clock and either (1) criticize the coach for letting the clock run down or (2) actually say something like “As a coach, the last thing you want it to be labeled as someone with poor…clock…management.”
When this happens, everyone must immediately finish their drinks as fast as possible. The last person to finish will be excoriated by everyone else in the room, all of whom should stand up, point accusing fingers at the last finisher, and yell “POOR CLOCK MANAGEMENT!!!”

Rule #6. From this point on, this person will be labeled the “Poor Clock Manager” (or the “PCM”) and must wear a sign or label to this effect. [Also acceptable would be a large clock strung around his neck much like this guy].

Rule #7. For the remainder of the game, during timeouts the PCM must go and replenish the drinks for everyone else in the room.

Rule #8. If Davie makes any mention of “the difficulties” of coaching at ND due to “the expectations” or “academic restrictions” or says that ND is “kind of like a military academy,” all are invited to simply hurl empties at the PCM for purposes of catharsis.






Willingham Drinking Rules

Rule #1. Mic Flip. Every time the camera shows Ty flipping his headset microphone up or down, take 1 drink.

Rule #2. The TWSSSS. After a big positive play for ND or big negative play for UW, all should watch for the camera to show the patented Ty Willingham Stoic Silent Still Stare (™). Everyone must immediately take 2 drinks.

Rule #3. The last person to notice the TWSSSS and take their 2 drinks will earn the name “The Molder” and must continue to drink as long as the TWSSSS continues, and cannot stop until the camera cuts away.
As an identifying marker, The Molder should obtain a golf club and hold it for the remainder of the game.

Rule #4. Anytime any announcer or studio host says of Ty that “the cupboard was bare” when he got to UW, or “he didn’t inherit much,” or that “he just needs more time to get his players in,” or any variation thereof, The Molder must get up and make everyone in the room a bowl of microwave popcorn.

Rule #5. Any time Ronnie Fouch, Washington’s quarterback, lines up under center in the “poop squat,” all take 1 drink.

Rule #6. At the same time, The Molder should be keeping count of every time Ty says either “Okay,” or refers to his players as “young men,” and must add an extra drink for every “Okay” and/or “young men” reference.

Rule #7. If Tyrone Willingham refers to himself as Tyrone Willingham or “Coach Willingham,” every third person in the room must finish their drinks immediately.

Rule #8. At the start of the 3rd quarter, The Molder must go to the bathroom and remain there for at least five minutes.

Rule #9. At any reference by the announcers or studio hosts to Ty’s “integrity,” or discussion of how he “cleaned up” the programs at either ND or UW, or of his successes “Sunday through Friday,” all are invited to pelt The Molder with empties.