Kind of speechless, actually.

10 bonus point for whoever can replicate this effort.

Really makes you feel good about all that security you need to go through nowadays. Of course, this is being said by a Rockies who, during a game in early June while it's raining would probably be ejected for requesting to upgrade seats from the Rockpile to something a bit closer.

I need lessons from Lionel.

Sports Nicknames

Here's a quick Top Ten:

1) 'Terrible' Ted Lindsay - Red Wing or not, don't mess with Ted.

2) Dave 'The Hammer' Schultz - The meanest member of Philadelphia's famed Broad Street Bullies teams that won back-to-back Stanley Cups in the 1970's, his nickname and these pictures speak for themselves.

3) Stan 'The Man' Musial - Had he been named Frank or Sebastian, he still would have been nicknamed The Man.

4) Wolf 'The Dentist' Stansson - "Because he has the record for knocking out the most teeth ever in the NHL." And I'm sure he still owes Gordon Bombay that beach ball.

5) 'The Galloping Ghost' Red Grange - America's first football superstar got a timeless nickname, the kind that passed by with the golden age of sports.

6) Shaquille 'The Big Aristotle' O'Neal - Maybe a stretch to make the cut, but how can you not include a man who's been such an icon both on the court and off?

7) Chris 'Knuckles' Nilan - Neither the game’s best fighter nor a skilled hockey player, he did have a killer nickname that highlighted the best part of his game. Rather than a photo, here's a video of him inciting a riot. (Real footage starts around the 4:00 mark. At 4:35 the linesman surely saves somebody's life. At 5:48 the commentator takes the role of Nostradamus, and all hell breaks loose starting at 6:06.)

8) Philip 'Joan' Rivers - You're not Bob Stoops, so stop whining to the referees. Ass hat.

9) Andre ‘Red Light’ Racicot – Not as endearing as some of the other nicknames on this list, but it aptly described what was seen behind him when he manned the pipes. However, he did get his name engraved on The Stanley Cup in 1993 as Patrick Roy’s backup. ('Red Light' is a nickname that could be used for Eugene Robinson and Denny Neagle for an entirely different reason.)

10) William 'The Refrigerator' Perry - He may be large, but he's no dumb cookie. I can't decide which is better - The Punky QB with his 1980s shades or Samurai Mike with his 1980s Harry Caray spectacles.


On the subject of nicknames, why are they being recycled?

-We all know who the most famous Hammerin' Hank is. But do you know the original Hammerin' Hank? These two are true baseball legends. I've heard the blasphemy of another Hank in baseball being preceded with 'Hammerin.'

-'Pudge' is the nickname for two of the better catchers baseball has ever seen. I guess the latter (trying to save Robin Ventura's life) was tagged as a kid and it stuck, but we all know the original.

-'Vinsanity' was first used for the high-flying dunk machine in Toronto; when a QB phenom also named Vince emerged, did he really have to get re-tagged with Vinsanity?

-Sugar is the nickname for some of boxing's greatest fighters. Walker Smith, Jr. (known as Sugar Ray Robinson in the ring) was the first professor of the sweet science to be dubbed 'Sugar,' and is regarded by some as the greatest pugilist of all-time. But later Ray Leonard and Shane Mosley (who just pummelled Antonio Margarito for the welterweight title last weekend in Los Angeles) would also have the name bestowed upon them.

-LT was the unoriginal nickname for one of the best linebackers the NFL has ever known. But now a new L(D)T is on the scene, and is being called by the same name. I understand that they are the man's initials, but when it becomes synonymous with one man I thinks it's pretty lazy to re-use it for someone else.

-Another initials ripoff if LJ, with both having the same name - here's the original, and here's version 2.0.

Speaking of the unoriginality of LT and LJ, any nickname that is the man's initials is really pretty lazy. MJ, AI, KG, and TO all have better nicknames (Air, The Answer (just not in Denver), The Big Ticket, and Soap Opera respectively). Things like 'A-Rod' and 'D-Wade' are no better.

And why is LeBron James being dumbed down to LBJ? Our 36th president has the LBJ distinction. Besides, Mr. James was given - rather early in his career - the regal nickname 'King James.'
Why give Chris Paul the bourgeois nickname CP3? It's just his initials with his jersey number tagged onto the end, and makes him sound like a droid.

But the worst has to be Red Sox ace Daisuke Matsuzaka. Dice-K? That's just an American's poor pronunciation of his actual first name. (I'm willing to bet that ESPN's Jayson Stark is to blame for this. Stark refuses to just write 'Ken Griffey, Jr' in any column. He always writes him as 'Junior Griffey.') Simply 'Dice' would be much cooler for the Japanese hurler.

In conclusion, the award for the most creative nickname goes to an English football (soccer) defender of club Queen's Park Rangers: 'One Size' Fitz Hall.

$@*!%$#@

Well, it was fun while it lasted, but is anyone really all that surprised?

Recap of the NHL All-Star Game

Moving past the immediate issue that fan voting - while seemingly noble is not representative of the quality of the players voted for starting positions (i.e. Ovechkin not being named a starter yet he's the best player in the world right now), it was at least fitting to see him secure the shootout win for the East.  There seems to be concern that the All Star game is searching for relevance.   Burnside makes some good points about how players are getting there, hopefully the league can work that out. Moving on, here were the highlights from the evening:

• Kovalev wins the MVP award in front of the Montreal fans
  
• Video montage of Top 10 plays of the year so far (ESPN had Ovie's goal against Buffalo at 10 though Vs had it at #4)
  
• Tim Thomas (don't like Boston, but apparently he's gotten past his lack of conditioning from his Vermont days, he was pretty amazing)
  
• Lundqvist getting shelled, yet he's still better than Al Montoya
  

That being said, if no one's going to play defense - which is fine...and this game is just for fun and to showcase ridiculous things (read: Malkin's between the legs goal), then why not just play it 4 v 4, so there's more open ice?  The YoungStars game is ridiculous at 3 v 3, but is a bit like Wayne Gretzkey's 3D Hockey (for N64).  Why not take out icing while you're at it, and goalies can't freeze the puck?  Then you pretty much have a total "pick-up" game of the best players in the world doing the most absurd things that will make every kid want to immediately go play street hockey so he can try and make that same move.

On a side note - that was a BS call that gave the decision to the judges for the Cerrone/ Varner fight.  At the very least, the Colorado guys on this blog can say that they we knew Cerrone back in the day - and I truthfully never saw this coming.  Good for him, it's better than prison I guess (in the words of Lanier).

Super Bowl QB's

ESPN has a poll asking who you would rather have as your QB. Roethlisberger or Warner. Warner is sweeping the country (sans PA) with an aggregate 65% of the nationwide votes.

Does this surprise anyone? Is that like saying I'd rather have J.S. Giguere starting in Game 7 of the Cup finals over, say, Roberto Luongo?

ESPN Personalities

If you could be any current ESPN personality, who would you be?

SportsCenter

Boston Red Sox. Dallas Cowboys with Ed Werder. LeBron James dunk. Tom Brady dates beautiful woman, has illegitimate kid. USC football. New York Yankees. Tiger Woods does something amazing. Roger Clemens in court. BCS. T.O. drama. Shaq soundbite. Athlete DUI. Tim Tebow saves drowning kitten. Kobe Bryant. Barry Bonds with Pedro Gomez. Steinbrenner. Notre Dame football. John Clayton (aka 'Mr. Mackey' from South Park) looking wimpy. Athlete takes drugs. NFL Draft. Duke basketball. UNC basketball. Multi-million dollar contract. Bill Belichick fixes U.S. economy. Athlete involved in shooting. College GameDay. Big Papi. Tony Romo (The Overrated One). Hit to the head in NHL. Bill Parcells. Mets choke, spend money. NASCAR driver angered with opponent's driving. L(D)T. Jerry Jones. Red Sox chowda. Obligatory women's sport. Yankees. College football playoff? Federer-Nadal grand slam final. Cubs for sale. More from Dallas with Ed Werder. Buzzer-beater. Steroids. Chris Berman talking about God knows what. Cinco Johnson Chad Ocho. Beckham sighting. New England Patriots. Nick Saban versus former team. Hockey goal (if Sidney Crosby scores). Boston Red Sox.

More Good News on the Coaching Front

Meet your new graduate assistants for Notre Dame:

Tim Grunhard
Bryant Young

This reminds me of when Pete Carroll had Ken Norton, Jr as a GA.

Another point for Weis

Coaching Staff Changes

At least Charlie Weis is trying.

I have no idea if Frank Verducci will be successful at Notre Dame. John Latina should have been. His pedigree was very good. But something had to be done with the offensive line.

Verducci showed success at Iowa for 10 years and his quote about players coming in young men and leaving as mature men is encouraging. Maybe there is a change of focus on the coaching staff, because that's what they need. There's no excuse for the lack of production with the amount of talent on that line.

As a Browns fan, I had never heard of Verducci because you don't know much about NFL coaching staffs outside of the offensive coordinator and the defensive coordinator. Those staffs have like three dozen people.

And the talk about Steve Stirpling being the defensive coordinator is VERY encouraging. You don't know who Steve Stirpling is? Think Michigan defensive line from 2005-07. Yes, he coached them.

So those would be two encouraging hires. Weis still has to fill Haywood's spot with a running backs coach and there are rumors that Polian is going to Indianapolis, leaving another spot.

Once all the changes happen, we'll take a lot at the staff and compare it from 05 to 09 and even 07/08 to 09.

ND Basketball and Mike Brey

I know that several subscribers to this blog probably don't give 2 hoots for ND football and probably don't give 1 hoot about ND basketball. Too bad. Here's an analysis of this year's ND team from a guy that considers himself an amateur expert on college basketball:

- Defense and Rebounding - This Irish were ranked in the top 10 in the preseason because of their success last year and because they returned everyone but Rob Kurz. No one thought he was THAT big of a loss. I was even shocked to find out that he was in the NBA. We were wrong. ND has never been been renowned for its tenacious D or for protecting the defensive glass. That's what happens when you starting line-up is the cast of the suburban all-stars. Last year, they were poor with Rob Kurz; this year, they are pathetic without him. The Ohio St. and St. John's losses are directly attributable to the absence of Rob Kurz and the inability to prevent the opponents from getting offensive rebounds.

That said, Brey's system doesn't rely on defense by design. Brey knows that his team will score and score in bunches. He knows that there are maybe 8-10 teams in the country that can score with his team on a regular basis. He knows that if his team can make stops on 5 key possessions during the stretch run of just about any game, they will win. And he knows that he doesn't have the depth to allow any of his players to get into foul trouble. So he tells his players to keep their hands straight up and not to contest shots for most of the game--then the Irish get a few key stops down the stretch (aided by an energizing fan base over the past 45 home games) and earn the victory.

Impact: The primary thing that is keeping ND from being a final 4 contender.

- Lack of depth - Brey has never played with a deep bench. The Irish clearly have 3 go-to guys in Harangody (who has the bigger forehead?), Jackson, and MacAlarney. Ayers and Zeller are role players that can contribute offensively when someone else creates for them. Hillesland plays like a bitch. I don't really know what Peoples does. I like what Tyrone Nash (Soph) has done in limited minutes. Carlton Scott has been the next RuCar--instant offense--in limited minutes. The problem is just that--limited minutes. Brey played only 7 players (all Jr's/Sr's in the Seton Hall game. If KMac is going to average 39.5 minutes in the easiest 4-game stretch of the conference schedule, when is he going to get a rest? I think that the bench guys have the ability to contribute more, but they need to be given the ability.

Impact: In college, you can play with 7 for isolated games as long as you can stay out of foul trouble. You just can't do it when you're playing Seton Hall. No direct impact on the Irish, but it indirectly affects the defensive intensity (see above) and will cost the team 1-2 games because of the reliance on just a few people for scoring.

- Tory Jackson - Harangody is great--he's the reason that the Irish are a potential top-10 team instead of a potential top-20 team. MacAlarney is great--he's shooting 45% from 3pt range against the opponent's best perimeter defender each night (averaging 4-9 from 3pt range). Tory Jackson is the reason that ND will be successful this year. Tory's efficiency has been amazing this year; he is quietly shooting 42% from 3pt range (up from 27% in his first 2 years) and leading the Irish to a gawdy 2-1 assist-to-turnover ratio as a team (Tory is at 2.3-1 personally). Since the beginning of conference play, Tory is averaging 14.5 points, 5.5 rebounds, 5 assists, and only 1.75 TO in 37.5 minutes per game; during those 4 games, he has shot 19-42 (45.2%) from the field and 14-16 (87.5%) from the FT line.

Impact: As Tory goes, so do the Irish. The ceiling for this year's team is dependent on the ancillary players stepping up; the base for this year's team is Tory Jackson. He is more important to this team than Harangody.

- Upcoming stretch - The next month is the most critical part of the regular season. From Jan 12 to Feb 12, ND plays @ L'ville, @ Syr, vs. UCONN, vs. Marquette, @ Pitt, @ Cincy, @ UCLA, vs. L'ville. As of today, ND is 3-1 in conference; if ND can go 4-3 in this stretch (4-4 overall) and 5-2 to close out the conference season, 11-7 in conference could be good enough to get ND a top 4 seed in the Big East tourney and a bye for the conference tournament.

Prediction: ND will not be able to have the same success against the teams in the bottom of the conference that they did last year. The Irish will drop a disappointing game @ Providence or vs. Villanova towards the end of the season and finish 10-8 in conference as the 6 or 7 seed in the Big East, go 1-1 in the Big East tourney, get a 5 seed in the NCAA's, and go to the sweet 16 but lose to the 1 seed.

Season's Beatings

by John Walters: Thursday, December 25, 2008 3:16 PM

(per email from Ookie)

  
‘Twas the night before Christmas, 
When all through the den, 
The plasma was tuned to the ESPN, 
The fade route was hung by the pylon with care, 
In hopes that young Golden soon would be there, 
The O-line was lit as if by a fuse, 
With visions of blocking for Allen, or Hughes, 
And Charlie on crutches, not unlike Tiny Tim, 
Though his face not so pale, and his eyes not so grim, 
Joined by Chuck Jr., his son now a teen, 
Two Weis men from the east, a nativity scene, 
On a Hawaiian island, Notre Dame is marooned, 
Give thanks in green jerseys they are not festooned, 
The voice on the tube, it did give quite a scare, 
We wanted Pat Haden, but got Andre Ware, 
While up in the press box, scribes scatter like mice, 
No, that isn’t Santa, it’s a lei’d Charlie Weis, 
When, what to my half-drunken gaze should arrive, 
Than the Domers are gaining plus yards on a dive, 
With a little-used halfback, and now he is scorin’, 
Poor Pops--too much eggnog—in the corner is snorin’, 
Then Clausen broke huddle, while Gramps he broke wind, 
And as Jimmy called names, I sat and listened: 
“On Rudolph, on Duval, on David, on Tate, 
Let’s put positive spin on the season ’08! 
Run routes with a fervor; please give it your all, 
And, do me a favor, just don’t drop the ball.” 
Like ravenous orphans when at table do sup, 
The crazed Irish defense did bark,“Crank me up!” 
With the speed of eight reindeer the 'backers were blitzin', 
While Corwin did send nearly all of his Smiths in, 
Then behind the safety young Golden did go, 
Intent on not hearing, “That’s ten in a row.”
Bowl losses, that is, for they all knew the score, 
N.D. hadn’t won one since Jan. ’94: 
Buffs, Buckeyes and Beavers, the latter school twice, 
Had helped forge a record so naughty, not nice, 
An ACC trio extended the drought, 
Plus two to the Tigers, and both were a rout, 
But tonight, in Oahu, ‘gainst placider climes, 
Look, Ma, in the end zone: a touchdown for Grimes! 
And when Armando returned a kick all the way, 
The children, all ages, were merry and gay, 
Who knew that this school could provide us such mirth, 
On the eve of the date that its namesake gave birth? 
And when it was over, the scoreboard proclaim:
Hawaii 21; 49, Notre Dame, 
49 points? In a bowl? That’s a first, 
For the men of South Bend, who of late have seem cursed, 
Or at least apathetic, uninspired, or lame, 
It was as if they’d forgot who they are: Notre Dame! 
But tonight on the shores of the 50^th state, 
Where brides and Barack often go to vacate, 
Some pride was restored, and hope came alive, 
That next year we may crack the ol' Top 25, 
And Charlie was happy, that much you could see, 
He needed a win near as much as a knee, 
Back home in our p.j.’s, we readied for sleep, 
With grins as we thought of the ’09 two-deep, 
While out past the ocean, where honeymooners play, 
Charlie opened the presser with, “Fire away!” 
Then he boarded a plane, this descendant of Knute, 
Saying, “Merry Christmas to all, now I’m off to recruit!”