The Top Ten Ugliest Men is Sports

There are many candidates for this prestigious list, but just ten make the cut. Most are current, whilst a couple made their way back from retirement with their smashing looks.

For some it's a sign of endearment, and others a wakeup call to purchase a mirror.

1) Bryant 'Big Country' Reeves - This is the face of the Vancouver Grizzlies. (Whose idea was this? I hope he's unemployed.) The fate of Kevin Bookout's career was sealed when he was given the moniker 'Big Country v 2.0.' Today, rather than that ghastly Vancouver Grizzlies uniform, Big Country is most likely to be found wearing a mossy oak camouflage hat and jorts.

2) Mike Ricci - He'll always be loved in Denver, where he won The Cup with the Avalanche in 1996. But Lord have mercy, what happened to this guy? He actually looked worse when he cut the mane. One of the best stories I've ever come across was when Queen Elizabeth visited Canada in 2002 and dropped a ceremonial first puck with the team captains prior to a Canucks-Sharks game. Ricci, the acting Sharks captain, put in his teeth for the spectacle out of respect for Her Majesty. He might be ugly, but he is a good looking hockey player who knows how to honour royalty.

3) Franck Ribery - The dude's French, hideous, and a damn good footballer.

4) Chris Kaman - Since he cut his hair, Encino Man more closely resembles Neanderthal than Homo habilis, with the hope of one day catching up to the rest of mankind. By this time I’m sure Homo sapiens will have evolved to robots.

5) Randy Johnson - Never has the Kentucky Waterfall flowed so gracefully from underneath a New Era cap.

6) Sam Cassell - Uncredited for his role as Gollum in The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

7) Adam Morrison - Despite what some photographic evidence tells you, he was not drafted in the 1970s. Perhaps the only part of his game uglier than that 'stache is that he couldn't get off the bench in Charlotte.

8) Mike Tyson - I don’t know what makes me more afraid of him: that facial tattoo, the fact that he chewed off Holyfield’s ear, or his desire to eat Lennox Lewis’ heart and children.

9) Joakim Noah - Originally crowned ugliest female in sports until tests confirmed he possessed the Y-chromosome of human males. (I'm not the only one who thought he was some butch chick the first time I saw him play for Florida.) Noah now debatably beats Anderson Varejao as the most effeminate NBA player.

10) Ronaldinho - The man's been blessed with some of the best moves on the planet. Magnificent. What he may lack in dental alignment is more than made up for with footy skill.